Thinking about doing some work on a relationship, or trying some couples counseling? In my opinion, one of the first and best things you can do is check on your relationship to pain. As in, are you willing to feel it? Because if you're in avoidance, denial, blame or other forms of resistance to pain, don't bother. You're already disqualifying yourself from getting much of anywhere but into a deeper hole.

It's not you. This adult life is really hard to get right at times. Have some self-compassion. Everyone, myself included, is fighting a hard battle. We all get out of wack mentally and emotionally, and we have no idea how to get back in wack. It's not a personal failing. The playing field is tilted against us being sane a significant bit of the time.

What is it about people in high-output roles such as ER physicians, CEOs and others in upper management, entrepreneurs, nurses and yes, busy mothers, that leads them into emotional imbalance? Consider: Competent, driven people focus on how to navigate and succeed in the external obstacle course of living, such as financial and professional achievement or the demands of raising children. They pour their hearts and minds into becoming successful. These demands leave little space for learning to manage one's own emotions and inner life.

The world has always been a loud, messy, unpredictable place. With COVID and climate change and social unrest, and it can look and feel overwhelming these days. It's hard sometimes to see a hopeful perspective. These are the very reasons we can't make the mistake of looking to the world—or even our own nervous system—for a sense of hope, stability and sanity. In a crazy world, with our thoughts and emotions spiking and diving wildly, we have to look elsewhere. (No, not to ice cream. Sorry!)