Reminding yourself that almost everything is workable—meaning, there’s a path, there are resources, that others go through this and you can too—can dial back the nervous system a few clicks and tamp down the sense of overwhelm. Said another way, reminding oneself that challenges can be worked with reduces the suffering that can grow in painful events.
The difference between pain and suffering, you may wonder?
Pain is inescapable in human life; suffering is mental misery that happens in reaction to pain, loss and uncertainty. Suffering is more optional; intermittent pain is part of the deal of being human.
When we can hold in mind the idea of things being workable, it helps prevent other negative ideas or attitudes from taking over—like negative or even catastrophic thinking, loss of perspective, self-pity, hopelessness, or overwhelm. It doesn’t change the issue we’re grappling with; it sets up a better mind state to do the grappling.
In fact we may find we can let go of grappling, and get better at responding instead.
Anxiety is a good example. It can be pretty unsettling, even frightening, and can make you feel out of control (In fact anxious feelings are ‘out’ of our full control; as is joy, sadness or other emotion.). Yet anxiety is very workable when folks learn to ‘tolerate’ feeling it, keeping clear that it can’t hurt them, that it isn’t dangerous, and it passes sooner or later. These are ways of thinking about feeling anxious to affirm that it’s workable, and that’s at least half the game of learning how to manage it, or respond with skill to it. This can be the difference between seeing anxiety as your enemy and seeing it as a challenge, or even as a teacher. What do you need to learn, or at least contemplate, about why and how these anxious feels come up? That’s a step toward bringing in curiosity, which is pretty removed from fear.
Can you remind yourself to be curious about your pain, and what it’s telling you, versus fighting, fearing or fleeing it? When you can practice curiosity, you’re well on your way to less struggling and more thriving, dare we say it- a happier life.
The idea of emotional challenges being workable is key in Acceptance Commitment Therapy (called ‘ACT’), a wonderfully helpful form of cognitive behavioral therapy. It’s one method that I often use to help clients ‘turn toward’ what’s ailing them. When we turn towards, we stop struggling to defeat it, and become curious and creative. How can I work with this, we begin to consider. This is true with depressed or imbalanced moods, addictions, relationship difficulties, and almost all life challenges.
ACT and related forms of cognitive therapy also typically use mindfulness as a method to keep a thoughtful perspective in the mind as folks work through their challenges. ACT and mindfulness have strong research supporting their effectiveness. I myself have seen the results first hand with my clients—and with my own intermittently crazy mind and overactive nervous system. The stuff works, and it’s not rocket science. Anyone can learn it.
